Wedding RSVP Etiquette: Rules for Guests & Couples

Respond to wedding RSVPs by the deadline using the method the couple provides—whether that's a paper card, wedding website, or email¹. A timely, clear response helps couples finalize catering numbers, seating arrangements, and vendor contracts. The most important rule: always respond, even if you cannot attend. Ignoring an invitation is considered poor etiquette and creates unnecessary stress for the couple during an already busy planning period².

Wedding RSVP etiquette applies equally to guests and couples. Guests must respond promptly and honestly, while couples should make responding easy and follow up tactfully with non-responders. Understanding these expectations from both perspectives ensures smoother wedding planning and maintains relationships with family and friends.

Quick Reference: RSVP Timeline

The standard RSVP deadline falls 3-4 weeks before the wedding date. This timing gives couples adequate buffer to follow up with non-responders before submitting final guest counts to caterers, typically due 7-10 days before the event¹.

For Guests: RSVP Etiquette

How to Respond Properly

Use the exact method the couple specifies. If the invitation includes a paper response card with a stamped envelope, mail it back. If they provide a wedding website link or QR code, respond online. Mixing methods—calling when a card was provided, or texting when an online form exists—creates tracking complications for the couple².

Respond as quickly as possible after receiving the invitation. While the deadline may be several weeks away, early responses help couples with planning and reduce their anxiety about uncertain headcounts. Aim to respond within two weeks of receiving the invitation, even if the deadline is further out.

What to Include in Your Response

A complete RSVP includes:

• Names of all attending guests (exactly as they should appear on place cards)
• Clear acceptance or decline (never leave this ambiguous)
• Meal selections with initials for each guest if multiple options exist
• Dietary restrictions or allergies (genuine medical needs only)
• Any special requests the couple has asked about (such as song suggestions)

When responding for multiple people, specify which dietary needs belong to which guest. Writing "one vegetarian" is less helpful than "Jane - vegetarian"³.

Declining Gracefully

Always formally decline using the couple's preferred method—never ignore the invitation or assume they'll figure out you're not coming. A simple, polite decline suffices; elaborate excuses are unnecessary and can sound insincere.

Even when declining, consider sending a wedding gift from the couple's registry. This gesture acknowledges their invitation and celebrates their marriage despite your inability to attend. Gifts can be sent any time within the first year of marriage, though sending before or shortly after the wedding is most common².

Plus-Ones and Children

Only those specifically named on the invitation should attend. If your invitation doesn't include "and guest" or your partner's name, you haven't been allocated a plus-one. Asking for one puts pressure on the couple's budget and seating arrangements—they've likely made difficult decisions about their guest list capacity.

The same applies to children. If kids' names don't appear on the invitation, assume it's an adults-only event. Some venues have capacity or licensing restrictions that prevent children from attending. If you're unsure or have childcare concerns that affect your attendance, politely ask the couple for clarification rather than assuming either way.

Dietary Restrictions vs. Preferences

Only report genuine allergies and medical dietary requirements on your RSVP—not personal food preferences. As one Australian wedding expert notes, "Not liking fish is not an allergy. If you don't like what you're served on the day, just don't eat it"³.

Legitimate dietary information includes allergies (nuts, shellfish, gluten), religious requirements (halal, kosher), and medical diets (diabetic, celiac). Couples pass this information to caterers who may need to prepare separate meals. Reporting preferences as restrictions wastes catering resources and undermines trust for guests with genuine needs.

For Couples: Managing RSVPs

Setting Realistic Deadlines

Set your RSVP deadline 3-4 weeks before your wedding date for local celebrations. This allows approximately two weeks for follow-ups with non-responders before your caterer's final count deadline (typically 7-10 days before the event)¹.

For destination weddings, extend the deadline to 6-8 weeks before the ceremony. Guests need more time to confirm travel arrangements, book flights, and coordinate time off work. The longer deadline also gives you more buffer for follow-ups across different time zones.

Making Response Easy

The easier you make responding, the higher your initial response rate will be. Consider offering multiple response options:

• Paper RSVP cards with pre-stamped return envelopes
• Wedding website with simple online forms
• QR codes on paper invitations linking to digital RSVPs
• Clear deadline prominently displayed on all materials

According to The Knot's 2025 Real Weddings Study, 18% of couples now offer guests the choice between print and digital RSVPs⁴. This hybrid approach accommodates both tech-savvy younger guests and older relatives who prefer traditional paper.

Following Up with Non-Responders

Expect some guests to miss the deadline—it happens at nearly every wedding. Follow this approach:

1. Wait one week after the deadline before following up
2. Send friendly reminders via text message or phone call (faster than email)
3. Keep the tone light: "Just checking if you received our invitation" works better than expressing frustration
4. Set a final deadline for yourself (typically 2 weeks before the wedding)
5. Mark persistent non-responders as not attending when creating final counts

If you've made several contact attempts with no response, it's reasonable to assume that person isn't coming. Include them in your "not attending" list when submitting final numbers to vendors.

Regional Variations: US, UK, and Australia

RSVP expectations vary across English-speaking countries based on cultural norms and wedding traditions. Understanding regional differences helps international guest lists navigate expectations appropriately.

United States

American weddings typically follow the 6-8 week invitation, 3-4 week RSVP timeline. Digital RSVPs through wedding websites are widely accepted and increasingly expected, particularly for millennial and Gen Z couples. Response style tends to be direct—a simple yes or no with meal choice is sufficient.

United Kingdom

British wedding etiquette traditionally leans more formal. Invitations often go out 8-12 weeks before the ceremony, with RSVP deadlines set 4-6 weeks prior⁵. While digital options are growing, paper response cards remain common, especially for formal or traditional weddings. Written thank-you notes for declining are more expected than in other markets.

Australia

Australian couples follow similar timelines to the US (6-8 weeks for invitations, 3-4 weeks for RSVPs) but often deal with greater geographic distances between guests. Interstate travel between Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane is common, so earlier notice helps guests book flights. Australian wedding culture tends toward the casual end, and digital RSVPs are well-accepted³.

Digital vs. Paper RSVPs

Both digital and paper RSVPs are equally valid in modern wedding etiquette. The choice depends on your wedding style, guest demographics, and personal preferences.

Many couples now use a hybrid approach: digital save-the-dates for efficiency, followed by paper invitations for formality, with QR codes linking to online RSVP forms. This combines the tactile elegance of paper with the convenience of digital tracking.

When responding digitally, complete all form fields and double-check your submission went through. Digital systems occasionally have technical issues—if you're uncertain your response was received, send a quick confirmation message to the couple.

Changing Your RSVP

Yes to No (Acceptable with Notice)

Life happens. If you must cancel after accepting, contact the couple as soon as possible—ideally at least two weeks before the wedding. The earlier you notify them, the better chance they have to adjust catering numbers or invite someone from their backup list.

For last-minute emergencies (illness, family crisis), contact a member of the wedding party rather than the couple directly, especially on the wedding day itself. The couple has enough to manage without handling guest cancellations in the final hours.

No to Yes (More Complicated)

Changing from "regretfully declines" to "joyfully accepts" is trickier. Once you've declined, the couple may have already adjusted their headcount, given your seat to someone else, or submitted final numbers to caterers.

If circumstances change and you now wish to attend, reach out to ask if space is available—don't assume your spot remains open. Be gracious if they can't accommodate the change, and avoid guilt-tripping them about constraints that may be beyond their control.

Common RSVP Mistakes to Avoid

Not responding at all: The biggest breach of etiquette. Couples spend significant money per guest on catering, seating, and favors. Silence forces them to chase you down and disrupts their planning timeline.

Adding uninvited guests: Never RSVP for people not named on your invitation. This includes children, new partners, or friends who "really want to come." The guest list reflects the couple's budget and venue capacity.

Responding too late: Missing the deadline puts pressure on couples during their most stressful planning weeks. Even a few late responses can throw off caterer communications and seating arrangements.

Vague responses: "Maybe" or "we'll see" aren't valid RSVP responses. Couples need definitive answers to plan appropriately. If you're uncertain, decline and offer to celebrate another time.

Assuming verbal confirmation counts: Mentioning to the bride at a party that "we'll definitely be there" doesn't replace a formal RSVP. Use the official response method provided³.

Reporting food preferences as allergies: Claiming an allergy you don't have to avoid certain dishes undermines caterers' ability to accommodate guests with genuine medical needs.

Sources and References